Of course, this is a huge topic. It is probably impossible to describe a single system and make a classification, according to which you will know the exact layout of your case.
But to make it clearer, clearer, easier to understand, today in this article I will take apart one of the angles. It's both an angle to look at the problem, and at the same time a simple, laugh-out-loud answer to the question.
Why does a person react to your expressions of love and care with coldness and devaluation?
Why is it that when you wholeheartedly try to make a person better, praise him/her, try to see only the best in him/her, that person begins to treat you worse. He just "goats": freezes, devalues, disappears, does not honor agreements, takes everything for granted. As a result, you still find out that they decided to leave you, or that you were cheated on in general with anyone else. That this person then also begins to live with someone who doesn't really love him/her and treats him/her the way he/she would.
That's the answer
This person does not love himself. This person does not believe in himself. Does not consider himself good and deserving of good treatment with love. So your love is rejected, not accepted, not understood.
He/she does not see in himself/herself everything that you see in him/her.
1) It turns out that you are more mature, adequate, holistic. You are capable of seeing the good and giving the good, while this man is hanging out in his own layers of atmosphere.
Your fervent desire alone to pull the person up to your level is not enough. He/she may not be aware of all his/her traumas. Or he/she may be very aware and get along very well with it.
This person has made the decision to live this way. If he/she needed help, they would have asked you for it.
2) There is no one to blame here. Don't put yourself down to a level that isn't yours at all.
Stop blaming yourself for not doing enough. You gave even more than you needed and deserved to this person.
You will not be happier if you devalue yourself and convince yourself that you are unworthy of love, and that this kind of treatment is just the thing to do.
3) If your love, your level of kindness, warmth, closeness is rejected by the person, it does not mean that you need to become different, learn manipulation, and turn into a cold ice floe.
Appreciate your individuality, build on your ideas of a healthy relationship. Don't be afraid to close the door on this story, there is just hopelessness here.
Let this man be with someone who clearly shows him his place - this is their "love story.
4) It's impossible to "cure" and warm up someone who is quite comfortable on their level and in their scripts
You heal, you save. From your kindness, from your love and resourcefulness. Everything is yours and stays with you. Clearly you will find a more worthy use for it.
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