Simple truths that save us from unnecessary worry.
It is unlikely that primitive people worried about it, but in the process of evolution we have learned a practical and partly destructive skill - the habit of caring about what others think of us. It's not about following the basic rules of social behavior, but about worrying about how others will react to your appearance, words, and actions.
«Fear of not being liked - a common problem, which is especially annoying to women - comments on the subject clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist Olga Golosova. - Attentive to the feelings of others - a trait, of course, positive, but if the thought of another's opinion interfere with self-expression and personal development, this kind of obsequiousness is clearly not good for you. If you coordinate each action with how it is acceptable to others, it's time to pause the need to please everyone and start pumping rights to individuality.»
8 signs that you're too worried about what others think of you:
1. You are constantly controlling your words and actions, avoiding spontaneous speaking up. In fact, you are afraid to say what you really think or feel.
2. You don't like to take risks, you prefer to take the safe route, you rarely listen to your intuition, and you always think through the consequences of your actions.
3. You are stressed by changes, you do not like them. Sometimes you have new ideas, you want to change something in life or appearance, but you are worried that you will be criticized, and always agree their wishes with family, friends and colleagues.
4. You find it difficult to make independent decisions and follow them.
5. You always try to please others and rarely contradict when you disagree.
6. You avoid certain people because they overwhelm you and make you jealous of their bright personality. In addition, you are depressed by the feeling that they are not interested in you.
7. You often have the (unreasonable) feeling that someone is annoyed or angry with you.
8. Because you are always adapting your needs to the opinions of others, you don't really know what you personally like or dislike.
If one item or another seems familiar to you, the situation is clearly not in your best interest. It's time to stop this one-sided process before you become a complete and unqualified «pleaser»-someone who puts other people's opinions and satisfaction ahead of his or her own. «Instead of channeling energy into a fear of being rejected/someone else, change your habits, master practices that increase self-esteem, or better yet, consult a specialist,» advises Olga Golosova.
Here are 5 truths our expert recommends you learn by heart so you don't have to worry about what others think of you:
1. Everyone has his own shortcomings.
Worrying about other people's opinions about you forgets that everyone has flaws, and even self-assured looking characters occasionally doubt themselves. While you worry about how you look in his/her eyes, the thoughts of "I wonder what she thinks of me?" or "What kind of impression does she get?" may be swirling in that person's mind. In most cases, fears about how you will be accepted by others are completely unfounded, you are simply making them up.
2. People don't really care about you.
It sounds harsh, but they do: 95% of our complicated lives are taken up with ourselves. The capacity for others to think about you (much less critically) is negligible-just 5% of the attention we give to those around us, that's just how we are. Get this statistic straight - frustrating perhaps, but liberating at the same time.
3. What people think of you is not your problem.
If you feel like going out in sweatpants and a holey sweater, there's no reason to worry that someone will view your style with skepticism. Your world view may not coincide with the perception of another person. We are all different, we like very different things, and if your style or mannerisms don't match his/her idea of beauty, that's his/her problem, not yours.
4. Caring about other people's opinions damps self-esteem.
Think for a few minutes about how much time and emotion you spend imagining what others might think of you. That's a lot, isn't it? Not only do these meaningless experiences drain your energy, but they also encourage you to doubt yourself more and more. You should be concerned first and foremost about how to maintain the integrity of your identity, not betraying yourself to those around you.
5. You can't please everyone.
There will always be people who don't like your words or behavior, and there's nothing you can do about it. But you may respond to criticism in a variety of ways, with or without the influence of another's opinion. If you realize that you are being projected negatively, don't take it personally-it's possible that the person has a problem and has an aggressive attitude toward everyone around him or her. It's more important that you like yourself. Remember that you have friends and loving people in your life who support you and accept you for who you are. Don't waste your time and energy on people who don't care about you.
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