How to react to rude jokes and provocations? To put your opponent in his place, but to preserve your own dignity

 

     When I was employed, one of the company's departments was run by a skillful provocateur. He hardly ever shouted or scolded his subordinates openly. Instead, he would tease their weaknesses in a veiled and masterful way. So masterfully that the line between a funny joke and outright mockery was completely erased. Employees' appearance, wealth, and intelligence were also attacked. What's the point of these tactics? If you openly insult a person, he has carte blanche to retaliate in the same way. And here it seems that he said nothing criminal, and even made a joke. Are you offended? So, self-esteem is lame, it would be necessary to dig deep within themselves - why do you react so? And I had nothing to do with it, I did not think anything bad!

This is manipulation, somewhat like gaslighting, when a person realizes that he is being insulted, and the opponent makes him look like an inadequate, delusional persecutor.

So, if you, too, periodically hear unpleasant jokes and are forced to smile, strenuously pretending that they do not affect you in any way, I want to give some advice:

1. Figure out what your opponent really wants.Perhaps he really bad joke and already regretted that he said unnecessary. If the situation is an isolated one, it probably is. Depending on your sense of humor and temperament, you may respond with a similar salvo or pretend not to notice the tactlessness. But if the rude jokes go on for a long time and are repeated regularly, then you can't let it slide. You must assert personal boundaries and not allow unpleasant remarks to your address.

2. Shift the topic of conversation in another direction or speak defiantly to another person - this will give the opponent to understand that you're not going to play by his rules. Don't support a provocation, don't let it throw you off balance - and he'll lose interest.

3. Try to misfire the interlocutor and make it clear that he is not behaving correctly. Don't make excuses or show resentment so he doesn't see the emotions of weakness and guilt. "Apparently, you're tired and that's why you're starting to talk. Maybe you should rest and then come back to the conversation." - use a phrase like that and watch the reaction.

4. Assess why the person is acting this way? Or more precisely, what are the reasons for the offensive jokes and provocations? Sometimes inappropriate behavior is due to a trivial lack of education. Then the best answer is to ignore it. But when the opponent is openly sarcastic and uses mocking sarcasm, incites to a rude response - you can not leave it unattended, because the rudeness will only increase.

5. Do not adopt the position of a child, but adhere to the tactics of an adult. Treat your colleague as an equal, and your manager as an equal - respectfully, but not on bended knee. A work team implies compliance with subordination, and yet mutual respect plays no less of a role. Call a colleague to a constructive conversation, sharply marking personal boundaries. You can say bluntly: "I do not like such conversations, let's respect each other and adhere to corporate standards.

I would like to point out that if you put the person in his/her place once, he/she will not risk being rude, but will switch to softer colleagues who smile silently in response to rude jokes.